Take Charge of Your Emotions: Shift Your Perspective

It's a common belief that we don't have control over our emotions. Many of us think that when something “bad” happens, it’s that situation that directly causes us to feel upset or frustrated. But here’s the catch: this belief isn’t quite true.

Emotions & Our Perspective

Many philosophers, including the Stoic Epictetus, argued that we don’t get upset by situations themselves, but by the way we interpret those situations. He famously said, “Men are not disturbed by things, but by the view which they take of them.”

In other words, external events—whether it’s a flat tire, a job loss, or an argument—don’t automatically make us feel anything. It's the way we perceive those events that stirs our emotions. We have more control than we think!

This is the essence of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the current gold standard for treating emotional problems, as endorsed by the Australian Psychological Society (APS), the American Psychiatric Association (APA), and NICE in the UK. In essence, CBT teaches that it’s not the events, but our thoughts about those events, that shape our emotional reactions.

The Role of Our Internal Voice

Let’s make this more practical. Imagine 100 people who have all failed at something important to them. Not all would react the same way, right? While some might feel disappointed and bounce back, others might feel utterly miserable and wallow in their failure.

What explains these different reactions? It's the internal voice—the way each individual thinks about the situation. Our thoughts mediate how strongly we feel.

For instance, if we label ourselves as a “FAILURE!” after a setback, we're likely to feel anxious, depressed, or even avoid future challenges. But if we accept that we're “imperfect” and “fallible,” we allow ourselves to feel disappointed—without letting it spiral into something unhelpful. This opens the door for more productive emotions, like resilience and motivation, rather than discouragement.

Putting It Into Practice

Here’s an experiment for you: next time you're feeling anxious, angry, guilty, or sad, pause and ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now?” or “What narrative am I telling myself about this situation?”

Focus less on the event itself and more on the thoughts you’re having about it. You might be surprised at what you discover!

Imagine how your life could change if you took responsibility for your emotional responses. What if you stopped blaming external events for how you feel and instead took charge of your thoughts? Even in tough situations, you’d have the power to control your reactions.